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My first... sigh...

Today was my first rebif injection... and I couldnt even do it by myself... sigh... I just couldnt do it, just couldn't. I have been fighting and ignoring the fact that I have ms pretty much since I found out that I have it. It was like, taking medication was the final step to admitting I was sick and I didnt want to go there.

The nurse came over and explained my family and I how to use the needles and use the injector. No problems with that but when the time came to do the injection, I just couldn't do it. I was pretty much sitting there for 10 minutes, trying to just go for it, stick the needle in my thigh and get on with it. I'm not afraid of needles, I've got piercings and 2 big tattoos, but I couldnt put it in, and it was bothering me so much that I started shaking and eventually started crying. I was just trying to stick a little needle in my thigh but I couldnt, I just couldnt. I wasnt scared of the little bit of pain I was going to feel, I just couldn't overcome that last hurdle, the one that states that YES, YOU HAVE MS!!! In the end, I couldnt even go through with it, I had to get my husband to do it. It didnt hurt or anything but it was still such an emotional thing for me.

I'm still very unhappy about the whole thing. I know that ultimately, it's good for me but I dont care. I dont have any symptoms, I'm working out and staying in good shape, so why bother. It's cause it's not something that can be stopped with working out and being healthy, blah blah blah. If I didnt feel so pressured by my doctor and my parents, I probably wouldnt have taken the medication yet. But anyways, Im on it as a trial only. If I dont like what it's doing to me, I'm going to stop. My parents were good with that so now, only time will tell.

It's been about 3 hours since my shot. Didnt take anything before hand, wanted the full gammet of side effects. So far, nothing, just a little sleepy tho that could have been because of the barrage of emotions. Either way, I have MS and there's no getting around it anymore.
This morning I had my lumbar puncture. It was honestly not as bad as I thought it would be. They took some quite a bit of blood. Then the doctor came in with the nurse and another person who was to observe. They were talking about how I'm gonna feel a bit of a burn as the area is freezing but once they saw my back tattoo, they were confident that I wouldnt feel anything to worry about.

It started with him disinfecting the area 3 times, then giving me my first shot to freeze the skin. They then gave me a 2nd shot to freeze the muscle. I felt more pressure than burning. Then he went in with the long needle and I felt even more pressure, going right into my hips. But from what he was saying to the observant, he got it right away cause apparently I was dripping quite well. Not even 5 minutes later, he was bandaging me up and I was laying on my back for an hour, my feet elevated above my head.

I finally got to leave but with stricked instructions not to do any heavy lifting and to stay laying down as much as possible. There isnt really any pain, it feels more like soreness when my back is too curved, so it's kinda helping me practice on my posture. There is also the occasional headaches due to the difference in pressure on my brain. I just lay down for a bit, and then it goes away. I left with a prescription for some T2 but I only took 2 for the initial headache.

So yea, lumbar punctures arent nearly as bad as they seem to be. Wouldn't enjoy doing that again but it wouldnt bother me as much anymore.
So it's been quite a while since I last posted. Figured I'd update =)

Running has been coming along slowly. I'm gonna look into the 10km in 8 weeks plan. It's along the same lines as when I did the 5km in 8 weeks except that it's from 5 to 10km. I've also got me a new trainer at the gym. My old trainer, Jodi, simply didnt have any time for herself so she resigned. Im not upset with her at all, quite the opposite, I'm happy she left. That means she's happier. I still see her every now and then, and we're still going to be running together. But I'm now with my new trainer, Luke, and he's pretty cool too. Definately kicking my ass. His workouts feel much grittier and I guess you can say guy-ish. He's got me kicking and punching, which makes Justin jealous cause he wants to too.

I received all my wedding clothing yesterday from China. I was very excited. Everything is sooooo nice!!! My dress fits me perfectly!!! I might not even have to get it tailored in may before the ceremony either, since I shouldnt lose too much until then. I just need to check to see if my brides maids dresses fit perfectly and those are good to go. I do however need to exchange 2 shorts for smaller shirts tho. They're too big to be worth tailoring. But it's still worth it in the end.

Health wise, I'm doing pretty good. My hand barely bothers me anymore. Tho every now and then, mainly when I'm walking fast or running, my thighs get tingly, but only when those motions. Got my spinal tap coming up in 1.5 weeks. Not particularly excited about that... Depending on those results, I'll probably end up going on medication. I really dont want to, especially with me feeling perfectly fine. I know that just cause I dont have any symptoms doesnt mean Im not sick but I just dont believe in taking medication when I dont have too. I dont get a flu shot every year cause I'm not sick. If I get the flu, then I'll get it. I eat fairly well and excersize regularly. I think I'll be good to go for now.

5km, you are my bitch!!!

I successfully ran my first 5km, non-stop, outside. I'm pretty damn proud of myself right now. Next goal: 10km by may.
I successfully ran my first 10 minutes. I'm quite happy about myself. I had a stitch in the last minute but I pushed through it. It's only going to get easier to run for the next few bits. My next hurdle next week is 14 minutes and then I believe it's a big push to 20 minutes.

Nov. 11th, 2008

What did I learn this morning??? I learnt that I can't run in the morning, with only 2 yogurtz in my tummy. I might try to get a run in tonight or I'll run everyday for the rest of the week. That 5km is not going to be easy at all.
My trainer Jody wants to put me on a training program that will make me be able to run 5km in 8 weeks. We're then going to run the 5km together, more than likely outside... It's gonna be really cold... Awesome... The most I've ever run was 3km in sec 5 and I was in better shape that time too. I hope I dont die from this and I'd better lose a TON of weight!!!
Man, Reboot makes soooo much more sense now and is significantly funnier!!!

Tattoo numero deux

With 4.5 hours of plenty o' fun, I've got me my 2nd tattoo at about 60% done. All the outline and shading is done, just need to add the colors. Again, this piece of art was done by Paul at New Moon tattoo in Ottawa, Ontario.

Experience and picturesCollapse )
So after a double-booking incident yesterday that caused me to not know when I'm going to see a doctor/specialist (I was rebooked in march but at the top of the cancellation list), I was called this morning to come see dr. Freedman for my consultation.

It's not 100% but he's pretty positive that I have MS. Going through my MRI pictures, he also found a lesion in my brain which they had not originally found until he looked at them. Apparently that lesion explained the dizziness and lack of balance. Fun fun. He now wants me to get a lumbar puncture and a test where they stick electrodes all over my head. Also did some baseline blood tests today.

I've now been given 2 options: treatments or clinical trial. The clinical trial is really tempting, especially with the 0$ price tag. I get MRI's, blood tests, any other fancy test, without the wait times. The only thing that causes me to not go with that option is that I have to be there weekly, monday and thursday mornings, from 8 until they don't need me anymore, and no one knows when that could be. I'm going to have to talk to my boss about that 1 and see what she says. So with the clinical, I'm very closely followed and if anything seems to go wrong or I get a tone new lesions, they remove me and put me on an actual treatment. So really, right now, it's just the time that's causing me some slight issues. Anyone here on any clinical studies instead of actual treatments???

If I decide to go the treatment route, then they're giving me the choice of what to take. Really expensive, most definately didn't expect that high but almost doesn't surprise me tho. It'll be the first time I ever need to claim any medecine on my insurance.

So yea, got plenty of paperwork to read and within a month or 2, make a decision and life goes on. Even more fun fun!!!



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